Smash Ultimate Player Drops to Zero GSP After Losing A Single Elite Smash Game

George Cinnamon, in a fit of the most meaninglessly-induced rage on Earth, was getting ready to absolutely obliterate his copy of Super Smash Brothers Ultimate with his bare fists before he had a moment of clarity: he was last seen entering his garage with his entire Switch, a blow torch, and a full jar of mayonnaise (Cinnamon declined to comment).

George, whose talents as a Snake main enable him to spam up-tilt until his opponent dies, has been fortunate enough to accrue over 5,000,000 GSP through months of hard-work, prayer, and his parents’ comments of ever-declining faith in him as becoming a productive human-being. And as a result of his efforts, Cinnamon has not lost a single game of Elite Smash since the game was released. Until now.

Cinnamon was all smiles during his daily Elite Smash session before realizing he was paired with another Snake main, his most dreaded match-up. The match started, and immediately his opponent (“Nasty_Fingerz”) began throwing grenades around the stage and running away, meaning Cinnamon was frantically chasing around Mr.Fingerz with his infamous up-tilts, but to no avail. Nasty_Fingerz was literally camping the right-side of Battlefield with a barrage of grenades, C4’s, Nikita’s, and so on, with his only way of approaching being the occasional dash-attack.

George was stunned; never had he encountered a player more obnoxious, and the worst part is, he was still somehow losing. After being thrown off-stage, he tried to recover, but the lag was so bad that his up-b did not come out fast enough. Nasty_Fingerz, seeing this first-stock as a victory and proof of his undeniable skill, profusely tea-bagged the ground in triumph. George was on the verge of emitting a blood-curdling “REEE”, but decided he had to keep his composure. The lag was cleared up, and the two went to last-stock, with George having a clear percent lead.

Mr. Fingerz was off the stage, and George saw his opportunity to end with dominance with Snake’s forward-air spike. But as soon as he was off-stage and inputted the move, the lag reappeared out of nowhere, and unable to recover, he fell to his death. The sound of his perpetually-dropping GSP will haunt him till the day he dies. “That was rough!”, his opponent said through those little pre-set text-bubbles. As all opponents do after one win, Fingerz then left.

George said he’s probably just gonna go play Melee from now on.

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