Sakurai Admits He Has No Idea How Ness Keeps Getting Into His Games

KYOTO –  In a stunning press conference late Thursday night, Masahiro Sakurai, creator of the popular Super Smash Brothers series, admitted that he has no idea how the character Ness keeps getting into his games. 

“When we were developing Smash 64 we intended for there to only be 11 characters. But one day we booted up the game and there he was, staring at us with those cold, dead eyes. We asked one of our junior developers to remove him from the game, but when we went to check on his progress we found that he had slit his own throat and scribbled an effigy of Ness on the wall in blood before dying.“

Since then, according to Mr Sakurai, Ness has continued to appear in every Smash game with out fail.

“We have simply accepted that some sort of demon lives within every copy of Smash, and as mere mortals we are powerless to stop him.”

Sakurai finished the press conference by telling reporters that he has recently starting seeing Ness in his nightmares, adding: 

“Whenever I close my eyes I see his face. Although he remains silent, I know that he is telling me that he is waiting for me in hell.”


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  1. Ness was not the hero we deserved, nor was he the hero we needed. Nobody even really asked for him. In the end, he was just okey.

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