FRIDAY — In a stunning report released by the World Health Organization, a team of international aid workers, doctors, and statisticians have found that the citizens of the newly formed Mango Nation exhibit the highest incidence of serious liver diseases, including cirrhosis of the liver and some types of serious cancers, compared to their peers globally.
The study, released late Wednesday, attributed the rise to a much higher per capita consumption of alcohol, citing a thriving and robust party culture, and loyalty to their national esports franchise “Team Beer.”
The fledgling nation still lacks fundamental healthcare infrastructure, with many residents facing poverty and a lack of access to education and clean drinking water. Even when clean water is available, many citizens still choose to drink beer and hard alcohol.
Among widespread civic unrest, the opposition party has urged Eternal President Joseph “Mang0” Marquez to step down, calling the current administration “washed,” while loyalists insist that he’s still a top ranked world leader, and cautioning his opponents to “not sleep on the kid.”
Researchers are urging the international community to intervene, saying it’s only a matter of time before this health crisis causes the nation’s inhabitants to “Go out like Busters.”
The Turnip Nation never has to worry about health issues, as our diet is solely fresh turnips. Join the true nation by following our Twitter account.