Local Depressed Smasher Wishes He Could Literally Just Play Smash For The Rest Of His Waking Life

Over the weekend, a local Smasher, who describes himself as having an “existential dread as powerful as a thousand burning suns”, was reported as wishing that he could simply just ditch his life and responsibilities so he could literally just play Super Smash Bros. for the remainder of his life.

Read excerpts from an exclusive interview he had with The Turnip below:

“It’d be awesome,” he said, wishing to remain anonymous so that the reader can better empathize with him. “Like, I would just move to the mountains with a few of my homies and we could just sort of hermit it out together up there, just playing Smash until our inevitable dissolution.”

“There’s something transportative about Smash,” he continued. “Whether it be really mastering a character, the satisfying challenge of constant improvement, or simply spending time with your friends goofing around doing Gannon dittos, playing this game briefly rips you from the real world in the most wholesome and gratifying way.”

“I know you shouldn’t be looking at a video game as a sort of escapism or solution to life’s problems, but that’s exactly what I’m gonna do anyway. At a certain point you need to just be willing to embrace momentous and course-altering changes in your life because apparently, I am not content with where I’m at now.”

At this point in the interview, the local man decided he was “definitely gonna go through with this”.

“Of course it’s scary, walking away from it all and making this leap of faith, and I’m sure many are going to think I’m crazy for doing it. But I don’t think I’m crazy. I think I’m doing something that will make me genuinely happy. And that’s what’s important, right? I would urge the reader to do the same. And I don’t mean doing something as over-the-top as dedicating your life to Smash, but thinking of even little changes you’d like to make to your life to make it even better, and making them despite the limiting expectations that are placed on you.” 

“And depression. Look, there’s no simple solution to that. You can’t just make little changes expecting to be rid of all problems, because it’s a complex and multifaceted thing, mental health. But you can at least start getting better by opening up about how you really feel, because that could be the first step to creating the change you want.”

“Here I am, on one of America’s biggest news networks, talking about my depression and life. Reach out to a good friend, someone who’ll understand, a health professional, anyone. Speak up, because you’re not alone. And you absolutely can get better.”

“In conclusion,” he said. “Melee is sick.”

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